Hello stars,
Ever since I was a little girl, I just knew I wanted to dress cute and talk for a living.
“How’d you get so good at public speaking? Did you take a class or something?” Big eyes stared across the table — a 30-something executive at LinkedIn, with a sliiightly skeptical curiosity.
“Oh, well, I always say it’s just my God-given gift! I don’t know. I’m never nervous, it just kinda flows out of me.” My default answer. I fired it back and relaxed into my lawn chair outside the Waldorf Astoria Dana Point, where 300 of the company’s top product leaders had gathered to decide the future of the platform and its 1.3 billion users. I’d just stepped off stage from delivering creator-led insights about how to design the product for the future of work. Which obviously, I can predict perfectly.
As I was whisked off the stage to interview the CEO (????), the 17th person complimented my skills, (YES I lowkey felt like a celebrity… but remember, engineers are not known for their communication no shade!!!), and this guy was the 20th. Flattery, I thought, but then I actually sat with the question. How did I get so comfortable on stage — so comfortable I’ve bet on making it a main focus in my career?
“Well,” I sheepishly reflected live to the table, “I guess…I’ve done 200 podcast episodes, had to take speaking and pitching classes at Wharton, have made, like, thousands of videos—”
“You’ve done your 10,000 hours.”
Oh.
Crystal clear the second she said it, though completely invisible to me until then.
Maybe not TEN THOUSAND hours, but I’d successfully trekked up a mountain without realizing how far up I’d gotten.
For years I treated speaking like something I’d be allowed to do eventually. Once I had the credentials. Once I had a million followers (or maybe 10!) and made Forbes 30 Under 30, of course. Once someone Official tapped me on the shoulder and said, “okay, now you’re a speaker!”
This week’s episode is a live chat with you about how I stopped waiting for that tap. Listen on the Substack app if you have it or just press play on this post’s LIVE recording.
Desire = Destiny
Let me be honest about the wanting, because we’re very much trained to shrink it.
I shrugged off being a good speaker like it was nothing, never sitting with what it actually does for people. For something that comes so naturally to me, it’s almost comical that I couldn’t see it was a gift.
When I let myself believe I could be a big speaker — the real deal — that’s when the desire to actually dig in started to grow.
I didn’t want to “try out speaking.” I wanted to be a speaker. Real stages, paid like it. When I was a kid, I aspired to be a journalist like Oprah or Mary Jane Paul (lol) because sure, I’d get to talk all day, but also because I REALLY want people to appreciate my outfits! DAILY!
The single shift was saying that out loud instead of diminishing it as some random “God-given talent.” (Yeah, doing the Artist’s Way 3x helps with this!)
Because the way you talk about your work tells everyone exactly how seriously to take it.
If I walk in as “just an influencer trying out a panel,” people undercharge me and underestimate me and like, why wouldn’t they? But when I show up as an Expert Who’s Doing The Reps (200 episodes, 50-plus events, otw to the 10,000 hours), people fall in line.
Building the Proof
First, I stopped waiting for stages altogether and built my own. I started running The Alignment Edit workshops for high-achieving women who are brilliant but can’t name their lane, which is where I saw the magic. I was moved — truly — by facilitating brilliant women who’d previously felt alone in their hunger as they soothed each other through the sacrifices we share in and emerged stronger.
I knew a) we needed to do more of them, bigger, longer, intimate but scaled and b) I had to dream bigger if I was going to keep preaching about it.
In addition to my own workshops, I did a lot of panels for free, but PLEASE notice I didn’t say yes to every stage, I said yes to the ones whose audiences were already aligned with mine. Clarity on your brand helps which rooms to walk into. I used to be Associated with brands that are simply not aligned, and now I’m careful about while I work on growing my skills and exposure.
Last month I spoke at Million Dollar Personal Brand on the same lineup as industry leaders Jaclyn Johnson and Jen Sincero, and the exposure was so meaningful I was glad to show up.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not ecstatic about how I’m consistently getting PAID for it, and no Agency or Official tap needed.
On Wednesday, I moderated a panel with Phia’s founder and Coach’s former CEO because I’d made it obvious this is what I do: on LinkedIn, on Substack, in every interview. Now I introduce myself as a speaker (in addition to Entrepreneur & Author). It’s allllwayyyysss funny how opportunities find the woman who just won’t shut up about what she wants.
LinkedIn’s CEO interviewed me about my portfolio career. Not because I have the biggest audience in the world (though my Ambitious Material Girls are LOYAL) — but because I have a point of view you simply can’t get anywhere else. A sharp lane beats a big audience every single time!
Over fifty women have now trusted me to help build their personal brand without losing the credibility they worked so hard for. Now that there’s traction, I’m ready for more, and I know I‘m not the only one.
The method, since you’re going to ask: I didn’t pitch a single one of those rooms. I got loud and clear about what I wanted, built my own table, and then said yes to aligned opportunities — sometimes the lowball ones — and delivered every time like it was already my job. Next, I’m expanding my table!
Now, For You
If you’ve met me in real life, you know how IRRITATED I get when I meet a woman who isn’t aware of her full potential.
Whether you’re my high school best friend or the SUPER cute and talented sales associate I met at Alice + Olivia last weekend (shoutout kirstin for showing me those show-stopping capris) — I AM GOING TO YELL AT YOU TO BUILD YOUR BRAND!!!!!!! There’s so much money out there. Freedom. Opportunity! And, I’ve come to realize, real connection — the girls with the fire that no one around you can quite mirror — is possible, too!
I’m baffled at the women with real credentials and a genuinely important skill set, sitting under-positioned and scattered online, waiting for a permission slip that is never, ever coming. And I now know how to fix it, mostly because I just did it for myself, in real time, in front of you (not for the first time, mind you, so you get to learn from my mistakes too).
For my girls who have some traction and are looking to turn this into a credible personal brand, I’m creating a small advisory to help you scale. Respond to this email with what you’re building for more information.
Anyway, you already have the authority.
You’re just still waiting for someone to hand it to you instead of architecting it yourself.
See ya next time! Inbox is open if this is something that resonated <3
Alexis
Thank you Jessie Collier, Leeza Smith, Kamsi Ajoku, Carolina CS✨, Just be Elated by Lucie Lacle, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.
