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⭐️ Hello STARS! ⭐️
There is something both serendipitous and deeply unsettling about the fact that you genuinely never know how your life is going to change.
The random introduction that led to meeting your best friend. The DM you didn’t send that cost you an investment opportunity. The run-in at Trader Joe’s that turned into a new job, a new city, a new chapter.
And if you’re a smart girl (which… you are), that lack of certainty can be magical, sure, but it’s also mildly offensive to our egos.
We like formulas! We like to believe that if we do X, we will receive Y! If we work harder, organize better, become so good we’re everywhere — the outcome must follow!
So we overwork. We refine. We perfect. We aim to be exceptional enough that opportunity has no choice but to find us, because being undeniable feels safer than being visible.
Smart women often put networking on the back burner because visibility requires us to be…exposed. It means people can see what you want. It means you might not get it. It means you have to take responsibility for being seen.
But if I’ve learned anything in business, it’s that it’s rarely about how much good work you do in isolation. It’s about who knows your name.
I sat down with Phoebe Dodds, who is not a corporate “networking expert” in a navy sheath dress telling you to memorize an elevator pitch, but rather a hilarious, interesting, curious AMG who has worked for herself for over seven years, lived all over the world building her freelance career, and intentionally designed a life she actually controls.
Like….she’s bopped between Paris. Berlin. Amsterdam. Sydney. Now, New York! Freelance contract work in different countries! Consulting clients like Apple and Airbnb! Complete agency over her life!
And she argues that her opportunities have all been built through people.
The way Phoebe approaches networking won’t make you sigh with overwhelm and reluctantly open LinkedIn. She’s so bullish on networking because it’s actually the laziest, lowest lift way to build your dream life: It’s about integrating connection into your actual life, making it a habit instead of a hustle: Checking in. Following up. Introducing friends. Staying in conversation.
She breaks down exactly how she does it — what to say, how to reach out, how to deepen the relationships you already have — and she shares the most intelligent jealousy reframe that made me pause mid-recording like… oh. Oh that’s good.
If life is inherently unpredictable (and it is), the smartest move isn’t to overwork yourself into exhaustion trying to control every variable. It’s to put yourself in circulation.
You never know which message changes everything.
You never know who mentions your name in a room you’re not in.
You never know which small act of visibility becomes a pivot point.
Phoebe talks about how two intentional messages a week becomes 100 new connections in a year.
One hundred people who know what you care about. One hundred possible inflection points.
You cannot control exactly how your life will change, but you can make sure you’re visible when it does.
✏️ Your homework from this episode (it’ll take 10 minutes, max):
Open your notes app. Write down 3 goals for the next 1-2 years. Under each one, list every person — even loosely — who might help you get there. You have no idea who people know.
Before you start DMing, here are the three mistakes Phoebe says people make:
Reaching out to the most senior person possible. Don’t. Cool people doing cool things now will be doing more interesting things in 5 years — start there. (P.S. — from our last episode, don’t reach out to anyone until you’re at least 70-80% of the way to where they are.)
Reaching out with nothing to offer. You don’t need a lot, but you need genuine curiosity and a clear reason why them, specifically.
Being vague. “Pick your brain” is a no. “15 minutes at a time that works for you” is a yes.
Plus, she gave us some conversation starters that actually work: How do you know the host? How did you find out about this event? What are you working on right now? Low lift. Impossible to say no to. Go.
You can have it all, angels. Just not all at the same time — and definitely not alone.
Enjoy the episode, and find Phoebe here: Substack | Instagram | LinkedIn. She’s simply a JOY!
All my love, Alexis 🖤
Alexis Barber is the host of the Too Smart For This podcast, author of Too Smart For This (Tarcher), and a Brooklyn-based lifestyle creator who writes for ambitious material girls who care about business, wellness, culture, and building real personal power. A former YouTube strategist and Wharton MBA, she uses strategic intelligence to help smart women build intentional lives and magnetic, profitable personal brands through content, consulting, and community. Subscribe to support her work, purchase the journal, follow along on socials, or inquire about brand strategy at hello@alexisbarber.com.
